The Outing is Michael Rosen's second poem on Artifice Design. It is told from the perspective of a teacher, giving a speech to a group of unruly children before leaving for a trip to a science museum.
Official description
- "I wrote a book of poems for children called 'The Hypnotiser' some years ago and then it went out of print. I couldn't get anyone to reprint it, so I asked my son Joe to film me performing the book."
- - Michael Rosen
Transcript
The outing.
Right, Class six.
Right, Class six, I'm talking!
I'M TALKING! I want complete quiet!
And that includes you, David Alexander. Yes you, no need to turn around, David, there aren't any other David Alexanders here, are there?
Louise...it isn't absolutely necessary for your watch to be playing us "London's Burning" just now, is it?
Right. As you know, it was our plan to go out today to the... science museum. Now I had hoped that it wouldn't be necessary for me to tell you- yes, you as well, Abdul. You're in Class six as well, aren't you? I saw that, Mark, I saw that! Anymore of it and you'll be out, no trip, no nothing!
I had hoped that it wouldn't be necessary for me to tell you how to behave when we go on a trip, but...and this is a big but...you haven't heard a word I've said, have you, Donna? This is a big but, I have to tell you how to behave, don't I? Why? Yes, it is because you never listen but there's another reason, isn't there?
Yes, Warren...because of what happened last time.
Let's remind ourselves of a few things, shall we? The food... Even as I speak. Would you believe it? I can see that Phanh has opened her can of drink I don't... I don't believe it! I really don't! Do we have lunch at 9:30 at school? No, we have lunch at 12:15, but Phanh, you've already begun yours. If you remember last time, Joanna had eaten all her sandwiches before she even got to school! Lloyd sat on his orange, and burst it, and Alfred put one of those little chocolate Swiss rolls in his pocket, and yes, it melted, yes. So remember, lunch is when? Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course lunch is at lunchtime, but when? 12:15! Correct! Now, perhaps, I thought, when I got up this morning, I won't have to tell Class 6 about what to do when we get to the station. But then I remembered David’s little gang, who decided they wouldn't wait for me for tell them which train to get on, and before we all knew it David and his little gang were heading for the seaside on their own. Now, when we get to the museu- of course, you're not listening, are you Lydia? But then, of course, you didn't listen last time, did you? And then you wondered why you sat on Lloyd's orange after Lloyd had already sat on it once!
When we get to the museum, do we run about the corridors? Do we run around screaming? Do we go sliding on the shiny floors? No we don't, no we don't, no we- Thank you Mervyn. That's enough! I'm very glad you've got jam in your sandwiches, Mervyn. We’re all glad you’ve got jam in your sandwiches, Mervyn, but what's it got to do with sliding on the floor of the science museum? Precisely nothing! I'm very sorry Mervyn, but nobody, nobody at all, wants to know about the jam in your sandwiches, Mervyn! Now, when you're ready, when you're quiet, we'll all go- that doesn't mean leaping up in the air does it, Karren? Louise, why is your watch now playing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"? Yes, I know it could be "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow", Zoey, but that isn't what we're talking about now, is it?! Mervyn! If I hear about your sandwiches, your jam, or the jam in your sandwiches, if I hear about any of it once more, I shall give them to the ducks. Yes, John. What do you want? ... I don't know WHAT ducks, John. ANY ducks!
Right! When there's COMPLETE quiet... COMPLETE QUIET, you'll find your partners and stand by the door... oh, no... not one of those... (heh) not ANOTHER one of those little chocolate Swiss rolls again, Alfred. Surely not. Marcia, you cannot have Charmaine and Donna as your PARTNER, because that makes three and three doesn't mean PARTNER, does it? And perhaps you could put your comb in your bag for at least three seconds, just giving us enough time to get to the door? Hm?
Right, okay then, Class 6, we're off! ... Why not leave your watch behind, Louise? Hm?
Trivia
"London's Burning" is a song by The Clash on their self-titled punk album, released in 1977.
Use in Poops
- The video is commonly sourced in Poops that use the word "sex", using the end of the phrase 'Class 6'.
- This is also the source of the word "Penis" seen in many poops. Taken from "I had hoped it wouldn't (be nec)essary for me to tell you how to behave when we go on a trip".
- "But" and "big but" are also sampled for use as "butt" and "big butt"
- This is also usually the source of the word "jizz", which is taken from the end of any occurrence of the word "sandwiches.
- Mervyn is a frequent character in many Rosen poops.
- "That's enough" is commonly used at the end of a YTP or after an intended joke fail.